Newsflash: NFL hurricane volunteers drown during rescue (satire)

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By Dave Hoffman:

Dave Hoffman

        **** NewsFlash ****


Wilmington, N. C. September 19, 2018

The North Carolina National Guard is being mentioned as the possible cause of the death of three would be volunteer rescuers, FEMA reported today. The incident occurred when the three volunteers were wading in waist deep water in southeastern Wilmington. The men were moving toward a yet unchecked area to look for survivors, when a rescue boat, piloted by a Coast Guard volunteer passed by in the vicinity, and stopped momentarily so that the two NG troops on board could relieve themselves. According to sources at the scene, one of the National Guardsmen, Cpl. JoeBob Kornbread, was playing the National Anthem on his cell phone, and the three volunteers, all NFL players, kneeled in the water and subsequently drowned. FEMA is asking rescuers not to play patriotic songs during their searches, to prevent further incidents.


(NewsFlash articles are parody news stories intended for amusement).

© Copyright by Dave Hoffman, 2018. All rights reserved.

Dave Hoffman
About Dave Hoffman 14 Articles
Dave Hoffman is a VietNam vet and now retired after having worked many years in security. He has a unique and often humorous take on life and our republic. He has been a staff writer for CHCH News Publishing since its inception in 2003 with a number of columns to his credit, not to mention his satirical "Newsflash" pieces that were a long time staple of Capitol Hill Coffee House.